Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.

   Now that I am woke and want to make amends for my hateful act of being born white, I want reparations for all the money I spent at Pottery Barn over the years.

   I know some surfer chicks who started a prostitution ring. They call themselves the Wavy Lays.

   2021 Reality Check: You're not actually expecting things to get any better at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, are you?

   Facebook: Where content takes a back seat to cleavage.

   I celebrated 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

   We need to stop looking at our country in terms of right and left, yet instead focus on right and wrong.

   The Biden crowd has Helen Keller Syndrome. Facts fall on dear ears, blind eyes, and dumb reasoning.

   The Biden crowd has Helen Keller Syndrome. Facts fall on deaf ears, dumb reasoning and blind eyes.

   Dear Advertisers – white heterosexuals still use fabric softener, buy insurance and walk their dogs.

   Waiter: Would you like a Chef's Salad, Caesar Salad or Cobb Salad salad with your ribeye? Me: None. I don't eat the food my food eats.

   Maybe now that we’ve kept Joe busy writing his name for a week, we should move onto shapes and colors.

   The left will blame Donald T for all of Joe B's failures because it's easier than admitting they elected the wrong guy.

   Kamala has had more politicians in her than the White House, the Capitol and the Lincoln Memorial combined.

   Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?

   Super Bowl parties are great! (If you aren't into football.) I'm into football, so no thanks.

   SB halftime show: Forget honesty, forget creativity, forget originality. In these days and times, the only thing these "fans" want is formulaic pablum served on a steamy silver platter of ad nauseam.

   The Weeknd should change his name to Monday Morning 'cause that's how bad he s_cks.

   Some would call me a "Foodie", but that definition is too refined. I'm more along the lines of a glutton.

   If you enter into a relationship and discover she has 5 kids and a Yorkshire Terrier, give it up. There's no way you'll ever take precedence over the Yorkie.😛