bill Funny Status Messages

   Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Remaining cast and crew already planning their own "Torpedo of Truth" tour.

   anyone interested in having a Rapture party this weekend?

   Well, at least we'll get to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie before the Rapture. Woulda been a shame to miss that one.

   Due to public service cutbacks, the Rapture is simply going to be based on Santa's Naughty/Nice List.

   Please note: If you're thinking you will be raptured at 6pm, I'm willing to take care of your Farmville operation. I'll just need your facebook log-in and password.......

   rael, I will trade my Obama for your Netanyahu and I will even throw in Joe Biden if you want him........

   Netanyahu's wife needs to give Michelle Obama a tee shirt that reads, "Don't you wish your husband could be a man like mine?"

   Thinking about posting a pic of myself in my underwear in support of my congressman Anthony Weiner........

   Plaxico Burress is out of jail today... Only a black man would be sent to jail for 2 years for shooting himself...

   Weiner's wife is pregnant! Didn't know that was possible on twitter! From now on I'm wearin a condom when I tweet!

   70 years after WW2, and LeBron James has America rooting for the German. SMH, Congratulations Mavericks......

   City of Dallas just announced tomorrow is Lebron James Day. Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early.

   Fathers Day....the most confusing day in the hood!!!

   Perfect example of living life to the fullest kids...... RIP Ryan Dunn, jackass.

   Dance like the photo isn't being tagged, love like you've never been unfriended, and tweet like nobody is following....

   Don't worry, they'll probably get Casey Anthony when she tries to steal back her sports memorabilia...

   It seems this town is full of exhausted plumbers, well that is what I think they are anyway... Their pants are drooping off and their hats are turned sideways.... Take a rest guys

   I hope Eagles fans loaded up on batteries to throw at the hurricane, lol Philadelphia fans lol......

   lol, Any of you morons ever hear of snopes? Stop hating on Pepsi....

   Oh great....I just heard a satellite the size of a bus is expected to crash somewhere on earth tomorrow. Wear a hat!!