Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What up MM?

   If you want to go running with me, you'd better be prepared to walk a lot...

   I keep having this recurring nightmare. It lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

   My wife asked if I was listening. I heard enough to be concerned.

   I told my wife I had a plan. She asked if it was a good one. I said, "It exists".

   My wife said, "Do whatever you want". I'm currently evaluating risk.

   I don't understand why banks get upset when you can't repay a loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.

   My wife asked why I wake up at 4 a.m. to fish. Because peace and quiet are apparently sunrise exclusives

   I don't usually brag about going to expensive places... But I just left the gas station.

   My wife asked how golf went. I said, "Mentally? Tough. Spiritually? Necessary".