Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
At this age my biggest fashion question or fashion rule is… Can I nap in it? 
Before Walmart existing you would have to buy a ticket to see a bearded lady
I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. And I hope you have a happy today too.
Yesterday, I left work pretending to be sick. Today, two colleagues didn't show up, claiming they caught it from me. Freaking liars!
Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
Happy Thanksgiving! Just remember that Black Friday shoppers can still block and tackle better than the Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving. Let that sink in!
Octopuses are just wet spiders
My dangerous sport? Disagreeing with my wife.
The ocean is technically soup and now my brain hurts.
A dolphin is just a fish with a better PR team.
Technically, your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Happy Thanksgiving ya turkeys!
A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said, "Thank God for that. What are they?"
If a liar's pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.
Thanks to the people that walked into my life and made it better. And thanks to the ones who walked out and made it amazing.
Strangely the guy who invented the Ferris wheel and the guy who invented the Merry Go Round never met. Apparently they traveled in different circles.
Whoever lost the iPhone 17 in front of Walmart this morning, STOP CALLING MY NEW PHONE !!!
Ok, I'm ready for rich people problems. I've mastered broke people problems, so I'd like to move to the next level please.
When I was a kid we didn't have Facebook. We had a drunk uncle.
I love waving at random people because you know the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the heck you were! 