Funny Status Messages

   I tried to find powdered eggs for a camping trip. None to be found anywhere. I found out powdered chickens are on strike.

   If humans are involved, the propensity for disaster exists.

   As a kid, I used to watch the Wizard of Oz and wonder how the scarecrow could talk without a brain. Then I got Facebook.

   Old groupies never die. Their pussies merely dry up and wither away.

   f Oxygen was discovered in 1772.... what did people breathe before then?

   Burger King has debuted its bacon sundae. It comes with whipped cream and a note that says "Do not resuscitate."

   The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.

   I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add

   I don't know what's worse: Being caught cheating at a Coldplay concert, or just plain caught being at a Coldplay concert.

   Judo is what you use to make bagels. 🥯

   what do you call a group of humans? an infestation

   buy ur girl Coldplay tickets or else her boss will

   A cop asked if I'd had anything to drink, and I thought it would be amusing to do a little Sinatra for him. So I sang, "Beers. I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention." We laughed and gave each other a high five and now I'm in jail.

   has been marked safe from a kiss cam at a major event.

   I have been marked safe from being on the Epstein list.

   I identify as a donkey. My pronouns are Hee/Haw.

   The proprietor of this channel has a bad case of ligginma. Ligginma nuts.

   Sometimes, I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked 'wonderful tonight', or if it was the 15th outfit she tried on and he just wanted to get to the party and get a drink. 🤔🎸😂

   I saw a bumper sticker that said "May life treat you the way you treat your dog" I hope no one puts me on a leash and makes me poop outside.

   GaryKoenig is back in full force.