Funny Status Messages

   told my homie I was goin thru it and this mf said “go around it”

   There are approximately zero ways to chase paper in the wind without looking like the village idiot

   Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes? This is why I stay up at nights.

   I just hate it when I buy a bag of air and there's chips in it.

   I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

   Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors’ house, they’re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.

   Looks like GaryKoenig is back. Afraid to use his name on the jokes that are the same and still so very lame. lame

   Calling it the Philadelphia Zoo is redundant.

   neurosurgeon: *removes Gary Koenig brain to blow on it and put it back in*

   I got tazed in the zoo again for telling a group of kids that an angry giraffe is called a grrraffe.