Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Common sense has been replaced by uncommon sense. Thank you, and enjoy the buffet.

   Jesus: "Why couldn't my Dad wait until they invented velcro?"

   yawA oG aciaemA ekaM AGAM

   Here's a pacifier for you. Don't forget to take it with you when you leave the country!

   What's aciaemA?

   I got kinda excited when this young woman said that she was interested in me….. she was doing research on the elderly.

   What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.

   My parents never actually listened to me as a kid. I recall a solar eclipse one year. "Hey ma, can I go outside and watch the eclipse?" "Yeah, but don't get too close."

   Yeah, yeah. You buy brown eggs. Show-off.

   Worst approval rating in the first hundred days for any president in the last 70 years, huh? Beat his own previous record huh? Great job losers 😂

   He's 5 steps ahead of you, you orangutan.

   Idiotic Facebook cooking reels have turned me into the misanthrope I am today.

   Fact. The USA is in better shape than it was one year ago.

   Fact: Those whining over the "first 100 days" haven't taken into account that their mothers took 280 days to make them, and look how they turned out.

   You know how women living in the same house have their periods at the same time? Guys living in the same house get the squirts at the same time. Only it's not once a month. It's once an hour.

   Dow extends longest win streak of 2025 as S&P 500, Nasdaq climb

   The president's economic reset over the next 3-6 months might be a little rocky, but the USA is entering a Golden Age of prosperity. Great for the kids! 🙂

   What had 200 legs and no pubic hair? Front row at a Taylor Swift concert

   I wish I was a broad so I could look at my b00bs. Wait. I have b00bs. Never mind.