Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So PETA is putting down pet cats and recruiting hot babes to protest naked...I guess I need to take the protest against them to a new level.

   A fun thing to do is to call someone & say "HI THIS IS BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO YOUR VHS RENTAL OF NEW JACK CITY IS 1,382 DAYS PAST DUE"

   So a robot can't figure out which of these pitcures contain a stop sign but anyway we are letting them drive big trucks?

   Going forward, they now be called the New England PayForIts.

   Did I miss the grammys again! darn that makes like 10 years in a row.

   When you work hard, save your money, go out and buy that expensive thing you've always wanted, then your lazy friend says "Must be nice."

   Somebody clearly missed the opportunity of a lifetime when they called the game Mario Kart instead of Mario Speedwagon.

   Okay buddy if you want to sit behind me and honk your horn for waving someone ahead of me at four-way stop sign then I think I'll do the polite thing and wave the next five cars on while I update my current status.

   Dear R.Kelly you have no idea how much trouble Urine

   your first Baby's father doesnt count. that was just checking if you can have kids

   filled the lip gloss with crazy glue, it is gonna be a quiet and peaceful week for sure.

   KFC has teamed up with scientists in the U.K. to create edible coffee cups made with cookies and wrapped in sugar. It's perfect if you've ever wanted to wake up and give up at the same time.

   A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."

   Raise the age to buy guns? What this country really needs to do is raise the age of puberty.

   Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.

   I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He asked “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer is a fat bald man and Marge has blue hair.”

   It's hard to be a straight guy these days. I'm all for equal pay and treatment for women but I also love titties...

   Lets be honest and Like this status if your like me and play with the words you post like a can of Campbell's alphabet soup.

   My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...

   I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic! It's got 23 yikes already!