Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it true atheist children lie down and make snow corpses

   I wish I had as much closet space as people in horror movies.

   Q:How many games have the Kentucky Wildcats lost in their history? A: None... but they've been cheated out of a lot

   The best sign of a happy loving relationship between two people on Valentine's Day is no sign of it all on Facebook.

   Just helping someone find the chocolates I ate yesterday!

   Rich guy: I should be paying higher taxes. Also rich guy: has a team of accountants find every possible deduction to reduce taxes...

   I don't think I'll have the confidence in someone closing up our border when that person can't close an umbrella properly.

   Think I'm going to ride a cow to work tomorrow .. trigger sum folks

   Back in the day, kids drank and smoked pot behind their parents back, now they get vaccinated...

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   Happy Alentine's Ay for those of you not getting the V or the D today!

   Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? For thou art a Douche.

   Roses are Red, They go in a Bucket, They cost 60 dollars So you'd better...

   happy vALONEtine's day to the single people

   People who don’t know the difference between your and you’re need to get there grammer act together.

   Reese with her spoon is always ready for cereal.

   Being a sports store without Nike is like being a gas station without gas.

   Amazon just broke up with New York... on Valentine's Day...

   She said she loves me but her PMS just showed up today

   Vegan: Pigs are one of the smartest animals, how can you eat them? Me: 2 out of 3 of them build their houses out of $hit materials...