Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don’t even care who wins this Maroon 5 concert

   I had 5 minutes to spare this morning so I figured women out.

   There are people who've been through hell and are trying to entertain you ungrateful urinary tract infections for free. Be kind.

   I'm sorry I cited the five second rule when I dropped your baby

   Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough, that's why we have two hands.

   I notice that mitch mcconnell sounds like James Cagney when he played a gangster in the movies ?

   Maroon 5 : Patriots 3 :Rams 0

   These teams were playing like they know whoever wins goes to the white house

   Ladies in Atlanta this weekend, every big dude is not an NFL player, don't get knocked up by the cook from Waffle House

   Super bowl sunday is now also known as Janet Jackson appreciation day.

   I don't know about you, I could have done without Adam's wardrobe malfunction...

   Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night..

   Anyone here with one leg? I have a ton of socks you can have.

   If a Fire-Fighter's career can go up in smoke, and a plumber's career can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

   I just want a man to rub my butt without trying to shove something in it.

   Why the hell is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time!

   A 30 second super bowl ad cost 5 million dollars. Trump said that's crazy, 30 seconds only cost me 130 thousand.

   When people on Facebook ask a stupid question, and then say "Go!"...that's usually what I do...I GO!...Ain't none of us got time to stick around and answer your rhetorical questions..it's probaby time for you to get a companion pet.

   Y’all really spending $300 for hotels rooms on Valentine’s Day to do the same 3 position y’all do at home?

   Just heard a milli vanilli on the radio and I'm not afraid to say that I liked their music! or whoevers music it was they were lip sinking that is to say.