Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?

   If Melania was a Democrat, she would be on the cover of every magazine and hailed by the media for her grace, language and beauty.

   Like if you ever got charged for not rewinding a VHF tape

   Neighbors state that old McDonald "had" a farm and the last time anyone saw him he was screaming vowels into the air. Back to you, Jen.

   This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.

   I can't really afford Essential Oils so let's see what we have in the pantry.

   Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords

   To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.

   Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !

   Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation

   The only way to know a relationship is going well, when she feels comfortable taking a dump at your place

   The Hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to Fart Quietly Again

   Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac

   When I'm feeling down and someone says "Keep your chin up!" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and tell them "Walk it off!"

   Spring is acting like a deadbeat dad... like are you coming or not.

   Uh oh...FOX News report claims Ivanka, Kushner, Kelly, McMaster are on departure list from the White House. So much mixed emotions.

   No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

   National meatball day. A day in the honor of David Dennison