Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If two Chocolate bars are stuck together it counts as one - so shut up please!

   In the epic battle of good vs evil, politicians are double agents.

   Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death

   Q: how do you know your house was robbed by a white guy? A: When everything is still there.

   I have a dream that one day I won't have to work on MLK Day.

   All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz and I'm fine.

   You think the colts are going to win? You better Belichick yourself before you wreck yourself

   24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?

   Hey NFL, why all the domestic violence ads? We're not the ones beating up women, you are.

   Call me a critic but I would just about guarantee that the idiot selling seashells down by the seashore is a product of the No Child Left Behind Act.

   I'm at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.

   Respect cost you nothing.....but disrespect can cost you your mfn life

   How much dope did the dope dealer deal when the dope dealer did deal dope?

   I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.

   I love you like white folks love the Kardashians.

   Shoot 4 more and we can take the whole week off - white folks

   Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don't want to go to prison.

   Apparently the Patriots win was more deflating to the Colts than first thought.

   My wife gave me a coupon good for one blowjob on my birthday. I redeemed it with her friend Betty.

   People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn't give a $#!t.