Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Didn't win the lotto again.. send prayers.

   I'm bipolar, my boyfriend had me tested

   Somebody stop the INTERNET, I want to get off!

   Lately I think about my hands around your neck a lot.

   Consultants know 243 ways to make love and know no member of the opposite sex

   I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined

   James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!

   Fcuk, is this year ever going to end?

   If it can't be fixed with a butter knife, I'm out.

   I cooked for you. ~ a short horror story

   Rosalind Franklin discovered the DNA double helix, not James Watson. That's why he's still alive.

   The bible has been remixed more times than Madonna.

   I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

   Someone stole my Microsoft office and they're gonna pay , you have my word

   I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

   Just been accused of being condescending , that's where you talk down to people.

   Please God let me show you being a millionaire won't spoil or change me

   it's my sons third birthday tomorrow... Due to budget constraints we're not gonna tell him!!!!

   If Katniss and Peeta from “Hunger Games” were Hollywood celebrities, their super couple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.”

   If Homer Simpson were a Democratic Congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he’d be “Homer Simpson (D-OH)"