Leeferd Funny Status Messages

   You know you're in the ghetto when the liquor stores have posters of Tanqueray, Black & Milds, and signs for a 2 piece chicken dinner special in the window.

   Woke up naked in a Quick Lube. I'm on the lift. No sign of my car. This can't be good.

   has thrown games of "Hangman" to intentionally kill that guy.

   If I sat down for 10 seconds with a pad and pen, I could totally write a song for Yo Gabba Gabba!

   If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures salmon?

   heard some thunder yesterday & it wasn't even raining. I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that Stevie Nicks is full of crap.

   No one wasted their superhero/villain potential quite like Zack Morris and his ability to Freeze Time.

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   Some days I just feel like the token black guy.

   I wonder if the band that recorded the Saved By The Bell theme ever gets together once in a while just to jam.

   The heat doesn't seem so bad when you think how hot it must be for the cook who just dripped sweat in your lunch.

   If fire escapes were replaced with waterslides people would use them a lot more.

   NFL preseason games are like Cinemax porn. If you haven't seen the real thing in seven months, it gets the job done.

   Being out of 3G range is like traveling back to an older, friendlier America. Cornfields and songbirds. Churches and farm stands. Also, meth.

   It's pretty hard not to scratch when you're playing pocket pool.

   There should be a statute of limitations on how long a person gets to blame their crappy childhood for their shortcomings.

   need advice on how to make a paper cut to the jugular look like an accident.

   Dear gas station owners, instead of selling condoms and novelty items in your restrooms, how about you sell toilet paper that doesn't make your butthole bleed? Just a thought.

   Today's word of advice: Never take a muscle relaxer if you've got the trots.

   Those Chilean miners are gonna be so surprised when they find out they were really on Big Brother this whole time.