g0re Funny Status Messages

   please ignore this status, I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am textin

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   Today I changed my name in my dads phone to God and when he swore I texted him saying "I HEARD THAT!" The look on his face; priceless.

   Dwayne Wade n Chris Bosh both took cpr classes this summer... just incase Lebron decides to choke again this year.

   Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a $100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?"

   "I wasn't that high!" "Dude, you walked into class, late, sat down & tried to put your seatbelt on."

   not to be rude but, I really don't care.. like, at all.

   Brb = looking for an excuse to stop talking to you

   Damn, you look better than ever. LOL JK, you've been hittin up McDonalds lately, right?

   Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."

   The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James........... Just a headband

   people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I tell em " would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   "You actually have friends?" ... "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

   3am text message "Hey are you asleep?" No I'm scuba diving, what the hell do you want?

   I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...

   go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.

   Admit it, When your were little and you swallowed a fruit seed you were scared to death a tree was going to grow in your tummy.

   Am I the only one that when somebody says "10 years ago", thinks about 90's instead of 2002?

   Don't be selfish with your prayers.