GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   You know me. If I ever win the lottery, rest assured nobody around me will be poor and I mean that. I will move to a rich neighborhood.

   Remember when we had to smack the TV because it wasn't working right? I feel that way about some people.

   If my coworker is getting beat up, better believe I'm jumping in to help. Because I ain't covering anybody's shift.

   Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical. It's like the trash took itself out.

   Wife: Honey, does this make me look fat? Me: If you ran at the gym just like you run your mouth at home, you wouldn't have to ask that question.

   I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watching cops chase a donut truck on the news.

   Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.

   Some days I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

   I've decided my 2025 will start on February 1st. January is a free trial month.

   You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign two miles ago like I did.

   Based on my life choices so far, my guardian angel lied on their resume.

   Welcome to Facebook. Please be patient - someone will disagree with you shortly.

   Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a very bad idea.

   There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm already doing 70 in a 35 zone. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

   Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

   When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

   I let a lot of stuff slide cause prison don't serve the food I like.

   The reason why I talk in my sleep is because my wife doesn't give me a chance when I'm awake.

   Some days I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Other days I realize it's not just some days.

   I'm very busy today. So if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me, that would be great. Thanks!