Will Funny Status Messages

   You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

   Angry Birds is going to be turned into an animated series. If it's anything like the game an episode will be 30 seconds long, played 20 times in a row, and sure to piss people off.

   Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

   You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

   Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing. Then I can continue killing you with beer.

   Can someone please tell mew when tv becomes "new" again? Everything claims "all new" but all I see is the same old garbage.

   Hi I'm the T-Mobile My Touch 4G. Since Apple gave Verison the IPhone and not us, we feel salty and are going to attack them in every commercial.

   I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.

   Thinks that Facebook should change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"

   I changed the name of my hard drive to 'that thang,' so once a month, my computer asks me if I wanna back that that thang up.

   Boy sees his mom and dad having sex. Dad says "were making you a brother." Boy replies " do her doggy style, I rather have a puppy.".

   Just change the name of my ipod to The Titanic. So whenever I plug it in to my computer it says the titanic is syncing.

   (1)Google Translate (2)Type,"Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty" (3)Eng 2 Vietnamese (4)Copy/Paste the Vietnamese Words (5)Vietnamese 2 English

   I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   Dear Algebra, All year you made me try to find your X !!! Listen buddy...She's not coming back....So please get over it and move on!!

   Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

   Life's a b!tch, because if it were a slut, it'd be easy.

   Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

   We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.

   The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.