TOM Funny Status Messages

   My friend, Eddie, spends several hours a day lubricating an old bench clamp... It's one of his many vices.

   "Absolutely, sir. And what kind of pig would you like to hear?" (Real American, if he was in Deliverance)

   When I ride alone with a random guy in an elevator I'll wait a sec then ask "two man killing spree?"

   Wonder if Southern Belles say "I do declare" a lot when they're doing their taxes.

   When a cat sees a sandbox, he must feel like a human viewing a 50 ft. toilet.

   Charles D*ckens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

   why is it after I press 1 for english, I still cannot understand the person on the other line?

   Wondering if the inventor or "crotchless panites" was thinking "Outside the box"

   I've got bieber fever!!!! Whenever I hear his name or music I get a fever, headache, nausea

   It's called FACEBOOK, not OPENBOOK. You can keep somethings to yourself.....

   Worrying Is like a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do but in the end, it gets you nowhere.

   Left Cocoa Puffs on the Eater Bunnys chair at the mall!

   so the Bible says the world is going to end May 21, 2011.. Santa Claus always said the Mayan's got the date right years ago. well thats what the Easter bunny told me....

   Re-up with Sam Hurd this weekend just isn't going to happen...

   the "Poke" should display the time of "Poke" that way you know when there thinking of you most!

   going to upload a cat picture, but I don't like them!

   ESPN reports that Manny Pacquiao has filed sexual harassment and inappropriate touching charges against Floyd Mayweather for all the hugging and grabbing from Saturday night's fight.

   If the first thing Trump says after he wins the election isn't " You're Fired!" I will be highly disappointed