BEGO Funny Status Messages

   8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

   The guy who predicted the end of the world moved the date to Oct/Nov. That's not the end of the world, it's just another Twilight film.

   That awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.

   About 50% of the time “good luck” means “effff you.”

   Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

   I love when bicthes make status about how much the hate b**ches

   Leaving Facebook for Twitter is like leaving the bar to go home.

   Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut up and dramatically lower your standards!

   I'd like Facebook to suggest: Since you've just de-friended that loser, how about you get rid of some more  deadweight, like ……

   Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again.

   "God has a sense of humor. Don't believe me?... go to Walmart and just look at people."

   When girls or any women ask you "What?" In reply, it isnt cause they didnt hear you. Its because they giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said.

   If you are talking behind my back you are in a great position to kiss my a@s

   I don't confront people. I was raised right. I talk stuff behind their backs. It's called manners.

   Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog — unless a buffet is in sight?

   Oh wow. you're really gonna fight me over the internet? What's the worst you can do, caps-lock my a@s?

   Dear mom, Please stop telling me not to play with my food. You spent the first 2 years of my life pretending it was an airplane.

   Whenever I have gum, I suddenly get a lot more friends.

   People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.

   When I say “wow, that's crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven't been listening to a word of your conversation.