BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   I'm not single. I'm in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.

   It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

   The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

   Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

   If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.

   My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

   My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”

   s funny how I'm good at giving advice to others, but when it comes to helping myself, I don't know what to do

   When someone texts you “hahahahaha!!” instead of “haha” or “lol”, you know you've done well.

   Dear women: we don't give a CRAP about eyebrows. Love, men.

   The Walk Of Shame: When you toss a paper ball in the trash, miss, then have to go get it.

   I hate when people take my glasses, put them on, and say, "Oh. You really can't see, huh?" NO s**t sherlock. You don't see other people taking other people's wheel chairs saying, "Oh. You really can't walk, huh?"

   Women have mysterious ability of communication..........They listen half.Understand quarter & can tell DOUBLE.

   Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?

   Why yes Officer...I did see the speed limit sign...I just didn't see your car...

   Angry Birds suicide hotline, which level are you stuck on?

   I think it's okay for dorks to stare at beautiful women. I mean, it's not like they can see us anyway.

   Money doesn't bring happiness although… shopping does!