Sully Funny Status Messages

   I want you all to know, if I win the Powerball tonight.... I'm still going to show up to Facebook tomorrow.

   Breaking: President Obama says his favorite musical group is Scandal

   If you had told me 30 years ago that I'd be talking to strangers on the Internet all day, I woulda told you to shut up and pack another bowl....

   We all should pee slow and sporadic tonight in honor of Dick Trickle.... RIP

   The best part about babysitting the grandkids..... Being able to drink on the job!!

   I think my wife is mad at me...... so when she walks by, I do what any man would do in this situation: I PLAY DEAD!!!

   NO, I'm not drinking alone. I'm here with all of my Facebook friends! That counts.....Yes it does!!

   I read that they are allowing Boy Scouts to be gay.... I thought it had always been mandatory that they were gay?

   Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?

   Doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle -- N. Schwarzkopf

   I'm not like, a tornado expert or nothing, but if you see one, the general idea is that you run AWAY from it? Storm chasers are suicidal....

   McDonalds Golden Arches is kind of like Batman's Bat-Signal for fat people....

   Tropical Storm 2013 Tip: To avoid lacerations while looting, be sure to wear puncture-resistant silicone oven mitts when crowbarring shop windows.....

   Hey Obama … I just took a leak, but I didn't have my phone with me. Thought you'd like to know.

   Maybe Aaron Hernandez killed Tony Soprano?

   Nick Wallenda would never fail a sobriety test.... WOW!!

   I bet Aaron Hernandez is pretty pumped he can legally marry his cell mate.

   Dumb is the new smart...

   They're gearing us up for a race war. Don't play into it, Americans....

   I checked Rosetta Stone, they don't have "Black English" instruction & I don't know who to axe about it? #donlemon