jcgj Funny Status Messages

   ▒▒broke my spac▒ebar but ▒▒a▒▒ little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay….

   Hey, did you have a good time last night? It was Smurf-tacular! Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette. As we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me. Shut the Smurf up! Yeah! Right in the Smurfing parking lot? Smurf-Yeah! Oh! That is freaking Smurf

   Here, put these floaties on your ankles ...

   Going to Mark Zuckerberg's house to move around all his furniture and see how he likes it !!!

   My Pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards? Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll beat you with my Bulbasaur.... :p lol

   10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

   ___\(._.\) TO THE WINDOWS (/._.)/ TO THE WALL…

   ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ Sorry, I just dropped my bag of Doritos.

   ..R.I.P - Adam Yauch, Co- Founder of the Beastie Boys

   the wheels of the bus go round and round. And it's making me sick.

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏. What I see: ǽ₮∂￦￡. What the pharmacist sees: Aspirin you dumb ass.

   Time is like a stretched elastic band. You can't let it go or it'll come back and take your balls out.

   Take my wife....... for example !!!

   My ex texted me: I Miss You... So I replied: We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn't give a f*ck

   While un-locking the door I dropped my keys this, and in one motion with lightning quick reflexes I caught them and punched myself in the balls.

   James Holmes was able to legally buy 6000 rounds of ammo online, and Tommy Chong was put in jail for selling bongs.

   Official sponsor and supplier for the London 2012 Olympic Games. ..RAIN !

   But it's a Stress Ball, I thought I was suppose to throw it at who, or whatever was stressing me out . .when I seen the blue and red lights flashing, and that loud siren. . . .wait, wha? How am I suppose throw it with hand-cuffs.

   North Korea is shaking some big balls at the United States, though they're most likely photoshopped !

   Thank god the U.S. election is over......I almost forgot who Kim Kardashian West is !!