Lil-David Funny Status Messages

   Memo to New Orleans: You can't turn the Superdome into a sewer this time., emergency shelter will be at the black crack neighbors house!

   I wonder if people with eye patches thought.....I See You!

   We should give the Syrian goverment hoodies and skittles... Then send George Zimmerman

   The girl on the stripper pole got mad because I gave her a monopoly dollar, well fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails gets fake dollars!

   I made a desicion to practice celibancy,and my right hand asked if we separated....

   I bought a counterfeit money detector pen, You should see the expression on my dope mans face when I used it to check the change from the 8-ball...

   Last night I think Count Dracula was following me or possibly just a guy in a vampire halloween costume either way, the wooden stake worked!

   At my age.... It's always Happy Hour!

   Name two things that will disappear if you ignore them long enough- Snow and Adolescence!

   When I was a kid..They didnt call it ADHD.. They called it you getting a whoopin' you little brat!

   If a man speaks his mind in a forest, and a woman doesn't hear him, is he still wrong?

   Give me a 12 pack... My final thought before making a decision!

   The way my kids act at Walmart, it's just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!

   I found the key to happiness, giving the wife money for bingo and giving the kids the newest PS4 game.... Beer 30!

   Not every idiot can read........But look at you go!

   Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!

   Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)

   Two lepers went fishing. One cast his arm in and the other laughed his head off.

   Have you heard about the blind hooker?.....You've gotta hand it to her!

   Two blondes stopped their car to let a funeral pass by..The first blonde asked, "Who died?".The second replied, "I think it is the person in the casket.".