@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   I saw my ex earlier and realized how much I missed her. Had to go back round the roundabout and run her over on the second attempt.

   A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you're 18, you're just an idiot with a baby.

   I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday

   It's Monday. I'm refreshed and ready to hate my Job

   If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice

   My girl has been asleep for 14 hours now. I'm debating trying to wake her in case she's dead. But then again if I do wake her up I'll then be dead..

   I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work.

   Why do all you women brag about multi-tasking. You need to chill out. There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong at once

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   I hate when I tell someone I'm bored, and they suggest getting together. Then I have to explain that I'm not quite that bored.

   So many baby mothers post up pictures of their kids everyday.. I'm watching them grow.. I'm technically their step dad

   This post is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.

   important status announcement - bacon sandwiches

   It's amazing how the brain works. I heard a song that I haven't heard in about ten years and I remembered it word for word. Yet when it came to my exams I barely even remembered how to hold my pen.

   I'm drunk and I've got work tomorrow, but on the plus side. I'm having a great conversation with my dog

   Apparently it's Monday today and it's sunny outside. Thanks everyone for that invaluable piece of information

   They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their mind

   My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don't know yet though she's still in bed

   Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister