Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Help me out on my friends list. If you don't know me, like me, or don't talk to me, Delete my ass. Thanks.

   I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts today, tops, so I should be okay to drive.

   - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!

   It feels like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here we are now, entertain us.

   Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..

   Don't be Jealous of Me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd probably need year of therapy.

   Before you judge people, make sure you're better than them, or at least you're not one of them.

   I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question

   Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie

   , "so let me get this straight. Sex and the City is about three hookers and their mom?".

   Tell your friends that the F5 key puts photos back the way they were on facebook:)

   suggests: The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   it me or does everyone get sick of pancakes by the time you are done eating them...

   ready to have male pattern baldness become "in style"

   I've just renamed my wifi network to "Police Surveillance Van #02". That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.

   there is a big diffrence when a boy and a girl says "i went through a box of tissue watching a movie"

   If you put a empty 40oz bottle to your ear , you can hear the ghetto .

   I wish you people would punctuate and capitalize your sentences correctly. It makes copying and pasting easier.

   I want my tombstone to say "Don't just stand there... water my flowers."

   It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.