Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're agruing with an idiot for more than a minute, then there will be two idiots.

   Do I turn left where nothing is right? Or do I turn right where nothing is left?..

   Dear Protesting Egyptians: Please do not destroy the pyramids. We will not rebuild. Sincerely, the Jews

   "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna hurt the Black Eyed Peas"

   The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

   He's actually dyslexic. He is trying to say 'His Pen is so big'

   I think Tampax should change their slogan to "From our box, to yours".

   Eight year old's today have Facebook, Twitter, iPhones, iPods. When I was there age, I had a dad who beat the hell out of me.

   has an app for that.

   Wow, you look EXACTLY like this girl I finger banged behind a Wendys back in high school. Anyway, I'm Will and I'm here for the job interview.

   This page is meant to be funny, can we please keep religion out of this!!

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   Dude, quit posting your stupid Tebow crap.

   The difference between St. Patrick's Day and Black History Month, is that on St. Patrick's Day....people want to pretend they are Irish....

   funny how it's all white out on the first day of black history month

   Seeing a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter about dogs being stolen. Are the Koreans stockpiling food before they go to war?

   Come on PEOPLE!!! Romney DOES not use an Etch-A-Sketch... He "thinks" it's a computer.

   S.O.B.E.R. = Son on a B!tch, EVERTHING's REAL

   Only in West Virginia would see a bumper sticker that reads "Proud parent of a nephew"

   I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”