Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   melting in your mouth not in your hands

   sick and tired of always being sick and tired!

   [censored]

   "now available in all stores. Side effects include: unusual bleeding or bruising, nausea and death."

   now available without a prescription

   fresh out of witty sarcasm

   had a handle on life but it broke

   pondering on incoherent thoughts that pertain to this abstract dilemma

   out of her mind and have gone to look for it.

   "if your a Vin Diesel fan, in all fairness you should not be reading his status. You should be home coloring."

   silently judging you.

   bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   textually active

   figured out that plastic surgery allows women to make their outer appearance resemble their inner appearance -- fake.

   LOVING CAPS LOCK

   in your boyfriends extended network.

   thought he had a good tan... until he took a shower!

   mad because the government stole my Weapon of Mass Destruction

   pretending to water the fake plants

   living vicariously through herself.