Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

   as much authority as the Pope, he just doesn't have as many people who believe it

   hosting a time travel seminar, the first meeting is last week.......

   To catch me, you gotta be fast; to find me, you gotta be smart; but to BE ME!! DAMN! You must be kidding!

   is a practicable way to derive an attitude of altitude & probity by which to abide or maybe a theophany of flaming creosote in disguise...

   ...I guess that sometimes it takes a dominatrix in your living room to make you sit there and think 'What the hell am I doing with my life?'...

   getting Jiggy with it!

   will return after a brief word from our sponsors

   optimusly Primed

   blaming it on the rain.

   Save a horse, ride the bus.

   "insert clever remark here."

   "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." -- Randy Pausch

   looking for nemo

   the cause of your drinking problem.

   nourishing his inner child with Cheetos and beer.

   trying to get the taste of last night's date's mouth out of his mouth.

   thinking about sex, every 15 nanoseconds.

   never fakes it!

   poured his heart out, it evaporated....