Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   says I've Got Nothing Against Mohammed or Allah...It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand

   now available with kung fu grip!

   If there is "like" button why can't facebook create "unlike" button if someone happens not to like your status.

   ..sold her tv and bought a dvd player. Bargain! Oh..wait..

   I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets;I've taken the windscreen wipers off my car.

   I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status. !!!!

   It's official Bert & Ernie has been sharing the same bedroom for 40 years now! Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street.

   ♫ Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame... What? Oh, no, no, no... go on. I was listening.

   just given murderous primatives the power of fire!

   ...The top ten reasons to procrastinate. 1.

   Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street... Thanks for all the good times...

   chuck you farley, you ain't so mucking futch, your whole fam damily can go in your own jack yard and back off!

   There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.

   color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while…

   coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

   ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ + OUT, with your, B===D + OUT!

   Thinks Time Is Precious....Use It Wisely...

   *confetti falls* DING! DING! DING! *audience cheers* *in my gameshow host voice* COOOOONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE THE 1000th PERSON TO MENTION THE FACT THAT IT'S FRIDAY IN YOUR STATUS. JERRY, TELL 'EM WHAT THEY'VE WON! *door opens* ABBBBBBSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

   On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA!!! Christmas shopping time.

   Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? So she didnt wake the sleeping pills.