Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   She said FML. She wants it, you gotta' give it to her.

   playing fetch with his Chia Pet.

   not addicted to cocaine, he just likes the way it smells.

   A glow worm is never glum… Because, how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?

   Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!

   hiding behind your door waiting to scare you...:O

   You may have DIALOG or MOBITEL connection, but when you sneeze, all you say is "HUTCH"

   If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

   An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

   According to a recent survey, 86 percent of people say that they have at least one annoying coworker. The remaining 14 percent don't realize that they are the annoying coworker.

   If Practice makes perfect, and no one is Perfect.. Why Practice ??

   Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

   A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.

   Gentlemen prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead

   If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

   Draft beer, not people.

   Racism isn't taught. It's learned. The difference between the 2 is you learn from experience.

   Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

   As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

   A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.