Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   watching you change! P.S(you don't look that great naked)

   a godfather, that's a great thing to be,He calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught him that.

   I didn't get a toy train for xmas like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by

   put a leopard in a headlock. You now refer to this animal as the giraffe

   it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you don't add your boss on facebook and then post "Wow my boss' wife cooks a mean casserole" after you call in sick

   happier than Richard Simmons running backwards through a cornfield!

   Twitter: Its just like being stranded on a "lonely" island and writing a small, meaningless message to be put in a bottle and thrown out to sea hoping somebody will write you back.

   Here's a question: You ever wonder how many REAL friends you had before the whole Facebook, Myspace, & Twitter thing came into existence?.......You're wondering now.

   dont take a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed...

   You boys stay off of my yard, there's no damn milkshakes there!

   loves when people say "I tell it like it is." Really? How about you tell it like it isn't just to shake things up a bit?

   its been proven that 6 out of 7 dwarfs arn't happy

   becames friends with the Pillsbury Doughboy just so I could poke him.

   I wonder if the The Pillsbury Doughboy gets pissed if you poke him on Facebook?

   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

   thinks facebook should let you know when someone unfriends you so you can send them evil thoughts. their way.

   realized you can continue to vomit LONG after you thought you were done.

   born under a bad sign with a blue moon in my eyes

   there's no I in TEAM but there's a ME in TEAM!!!

   Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!