Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to talk and walk,then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

   Refuse's to watch anything twilight or new moon, for the same reason he does not eat anything soy, He's afraid what too much estrogen might do to his body.

   Refuse's to watch anything twilight or new moon, for the same reason he does not eat anything soy, He's afraid what too much estrogen might do to his body.

   A box of kittens is more scary then the vampires of Twilight.

   remembers when Vampires were Scary, not Sexy...

   It does'nt matter how hot she is,,, there is someone else out there who is sick of her $h!t

   It dont get no better, it just get different

   just had a very interesting conversation with the mirror.

   Warning for all you weekend basketball league playing guys: Be leary of the guy who smacks you on the butt and says "Nice shot, man!" when you didn't even take a shot...

   will listen, if you'll talk about me...

   yesterday I said I was gonna FML...i did....but I forgot protection...now i'm screwed

   notices that its been so windy of late that even the water in his toilet was choppy!

   The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content

   The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

   CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.

   Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

   If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

   The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath!

   Thankful for Mr. Austin Nichols...... you taught me that some people have faith, some have a strong will, but I have your Wild Turkey to get me through.