Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Only great, awesome, wonderful people can read this. And only the truly gifted can actually comment on it!

   Apparently while handling guns in the hunting department at Walmart, it's not a good idea to ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are

   We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

   I was about to put something very profound here, but I couldn't think of a thing...

   I was bored so I went to Walmart, Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!” boy was that employee freaked out!!!

   Hasnt Slept since thursday night.....Id like to request a moment of silence for all the innocent Brain cells lost over the events of the last 48hrs, you will be greatly missed. kk time 4 sleep

   I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.

   The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.They sent me Diana Ross

   Mickey Mouse is now 81 years old. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head.

   not spoiled...... I deserve all my stuff.

   lets play carpenter, first we get hammerd, then I nail you!

   wondering since Ben & Jerrys came out with Hubby Hubby ice cream for gays, when they gonna make Carpet Munch Crunch ice cream for all the hot lesbians?

   Extends his rear out to anyone who wants to see New Moon

   Blue Moon > New Moon...

   not suitable for all audiences...contains bad language from the start and scenes of a sexual nature

   Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.

   YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED: Send this status message to 10 people and your luck will not change what so ever....

   with your cousin.... in your bed...using your video camera

   don't go for looks; looks can deceive. don't go for wealth; that can fade. go for the one who puts a smile on your face because a smile can make a dark day seem bright

   thinks that you're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot