Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6300 of 6446

DID YOU KNOW........Summer on Uranus lasts for 21 years - but so does winter.
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12-15-2009 14:53
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stopped by a man in the street who asked... "Excuse me... can you tell me the quickest way to get to the hospital" I replied..... "Yeah..... just call me a name"
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12-15-2009 14:06
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Well I just bought another load of laundry and a few things to dust for Christmas... I hope my family and friends enjoy a little extra work... You're welcome...That's just how I roll...
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12-15-2009 14:03
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How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?? she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her cigarette

i use to have a coke problem........ now its just pepsi

Their is a perfect girl 4 everyone!! I think mine died at birth
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12-15-2009 13:50
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I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather!! Not screaming in terror like his passengers!:)

CHAOS, PANIC & DISORDER... MY WORK HERE IS DONE...

has a big clock

I believe theirs more than one way to skin a cat!!! but the cat wont like any one of them

when I was born, they asked me if I wanted a long memory or a long penis.. I FORGET MY RESPONSE

Why get married and make one woman miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

The worst thing about drugs is running out...

"This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

Your sick, twisted, and rotten to the core!!!!! I like that in a person

I stoped stabing people in the back years ago... now I stab them right in the face...

going insane in sane places.
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12-15-2009 13:10 by J Dubb
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went to the bookshop today to get a book about conspiracies. Guess what, there were none there. Coincidence?
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12-15-2009 12:54 by deithy
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On Dasher, on Dancer, on Mastercard, on Visa.
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12-15-2009 12:51
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There's a new product called "Texthook" that lets parents strap phones to strollers so they can text while pushing their children. The most common text message is, "OMG, I just crashed my baby into another baby!"
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12-15-2009 12:42 by tomcall
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