Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks the armed forces needs to enlist ninjas..who's ever looking for a ninja?

   sorry 2009 but I'm going to have to file a restraining order on you. You're going to have to stay at least 365 days away from me. You caused to many problems.

   wonders if Cash4Gold would give me money for a bottle of Goldschlager!

   What's hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet in the middle, that starts with a C and ends in a T? A coconut silly.

   wmen get their belly button pierced cause its a good place to hang the air freshner.

   Im starting to believe that PMS stands for - penis must suffer :(

   there are 70 ways to make a woman happy: No.1 is shopping & the rest is '69'. Its that simple! :)

   wonders if climate summits could be the cure for the dreaded swine flu. The epidemic seems to have totally disappeared since Copenhagen started...

   So the baby was watching Dora The Explorer today. For some reason, they were making donkey noises. My first thought was Dora had been deported and was now in Tijuana doing a "show" with a donkey! Glad I was wrong.

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   not a flinstone but i'll make your bed rock

   down at Fraggle Rock!!

   thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown

   if everyone I knew was an artist and they could paint their lives on a canvas, then I'm afraid I would see far too many people using sandpaper instead of a paintbrush. Tragic.

   : Women are like Vegetables: You need a Variety to remain Healthy!!!

   would describe himself in 3 words........moody,annoying,awesome......(the first 2 are what my wife said when I asked her).

   first a man, then I was a dragon-man, then I was just a dragon. TROOOGGGDDDOOORRR!!!

   a man walks up to his wife with a sheep under his arm, and says.. this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headach... confused, the wife says... thats not a pig under your arm?? I wasnt talking to u, replys the man

   Michael jackson hasnt been this stiff since Mucully Culkin spent the night at Neverland ranch..

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head