Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   outsmarted Santa this year... see I need coal to heat my house, so I was extra bad so I would get more coal! Now who's laughing fat guy?

   thinks businesses that make their employees work on Christmas day are from the devil! Except for the gas stations and all of the other businesses I'm going to need today.... those ones are sent from God!

   You keep Evolving, I'll keep Believing.

   Its Jesus' birthday yet..... we're the ones getting the gifts.....How about that.

   thank you for the thousands and thousands of reminders letting me know what today is. Good job Thanks!! Keep me posted!

   You keep Believing, I'll keep Evolving.

   I think I overdosed on my family.....Santa has the right idea....only visit some ppl once a year.....

   Christ's Hope Rescuing Iniquitous Souls To Miraculously Administer Salvation!!! Thank God for Christmas!!!!

   The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli...

   If you can't figure out what to get someone for Christmas, get them a gift card! It's like saying, "Here's $20... go get your own damn gift!"

   wishing God Almighty a happy birthday! They grow up so fast!

   Money cant buy happiness, but at least I can pick my own misery.

   pissed..he just bought a DVD entitled "Tiger's 18 Favorite Holes", and the damn thing is about GOLF!!

   just shot his eye out..

   wondering if Tiger Woods is dreaming of a White Mistress?

   eating Babybels at this special time of year. After all, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without the baby cheeses.

   Rihanna can stopp tryin' . . . Seems like Chris Brown slapped the music outta her. . .

   standing in line at Target and just received a dirty look from the woman in front of him, after he started dancing to her obnoxiously loud "Sex and The City"-theme ringtone.

   EDGE ▂ ▃ ▅ ▆ █

   Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23rd. It was created by writer Dan O'Keefe and introduced into popular culture by his son Daniel, a screenwriter for the TV show Seinfeld