Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It is scientifically proven that a woman can be satisfied with only 8.5 cm. - and it doesn't matter if the card is Visa or Mastercard...

   doesn't think you should put the pedal to the medal in that Toyota.

   Ok Facebook since you're so damn nosey, What's on YOUR mind?

   never works on computers for free. I may or may not install well hidden software packages that harvest your emails, passwords and keystrokes. The odds of that happening are directly proportional to how much cash you pay. Cash or gossip, you pay.

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   yesterdays is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is your gift, live it fully....

   the one who told him that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that he had in February of last year.

   Dont wish For a Happy ending It means Something has to end

   Good morning I see the assasins failed

   Sometimes life is hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty.

   trying to put my m&m's in alphabetical order...

   saw his shadow today! Not really sure what this could mean as far as the duration of winter goes...but very excited about the possibilities. :)

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   i do what I please and I please who I do.

   Religious girls are easy, once I convince them I'm god

   If I ever have a girlfriend that requests that we have a 'song' together, after I laugh, I shall suggest master p - you can be my b!tch

   can you get pregnant from unprotected text?

   Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   not sexist; being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for women.