Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Both Political parties are debating the fault line responsible for today's quake: Democrats says its the Bush's Faultline and the Republicans say its the Obama's Faultline

   relieved that even tho 230,000 government workers couldn't make it past the blizzard to work in DC this week, the country has somehow managed to continue as if nothing happened.

   "We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."

   begining to think Facebook has Body dysmorphic disorder, seriously enough with the changes!!! We liked you the way you were!!!

   I have serious communication problems with vegetarians: they consider "food" something I consider only a pleasant interlude between a food and another food. I have problems, but at least I try; with abstainers is better not even try.

   A STRESSOR AND AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT, will help you lose weight!

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   if only my wife had smaller hands... 'IT' WOULD LOOK BIGGER!

   ...I love a girl who loves another girl who loves me...this is a strange triangle, but it could be interesting...

   I taught my dog to beg today. He came back with £12.75.

   Taco Bell is betta than Mc D's for lunch

   Growing up in New Orleans, Peyton Manning always dreamed he would throw the winning pass to help the Saints win the Super Bowl! Mission accomplished!

   misssing his ex...... but his aim is getting better!

   shh...my common sense is tingling.

   Oprah got fat again, we can all enjoy that

   wonders why we worry about 12 inches of snow when we are all at least 5 feet tall or so..we'll be ok

   Wait "pants on the Ground" didn't make it to Hollywood? He was the best so far!!!!!

   If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.

   I put a trojan magnum on once.....felt like a 6 year old in an adult sleeping bag!

   'It's not the crazy people I fear, but the large groups of normal ones! '' ~Shane Coleman