Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

   To my fb friends that are addicted to farmvillle or farmtown or whatever it is...If you didn't notice, I do not participate~ However if you feel the need to send me things, in my real world, I could use a mansion on the beach with 3 maids, 1 cook, at leas

   thinks the GOP's new nickname, the party of "No" is perfect....they have no ideas, no brains, no balls, no candidates worth a damn', and no history of success.

   Badder then your Ex and Better then your next

   How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!". Shout "BINGO!".

   Tiger Woods and Toyota should team up for a comeback and their moto should be "I swear we can stop!"

   I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an a$$hole?"

   If men honestly answered the facebook question: What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite

   If men really wrote answered facebook question ; What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite

   I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

   I dont care what they say. I think my third nipple is very attractive.

   practise safe lunch, use a condiment!

   Men Fart more Than Women Simply Becasue Women Can't Shut Up Long Enough To Build Up The Required Pressure !!!

   Dear Lord You have taken away my favourite actoress britney Murphy favourite Singer Mj and my favourite spokesman billy mays I just wanna say my favourite singer is lil wayne

   believes that if you tellyour boss what you really thinkof him, the truth will set youfree.

   I've always wondered iffilm directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" whenthey have nightmares.

   just received a coupon inthe mail: Buy one sock, get oneFREE! While socks last.

   Statistically 5/4 of peoplehave trouble with fractions.

   in front of his home with every electric fan he owns blowing upward, in a defiant act against Mother Nature.....Enough with the snow lady, just go watch "The Waltons" reruns until Spring......

   just became a fan of I KNOW YOUR A FAN OF "GET A NOTIFICATION OF WHO VIEWED YOUR PROFILE" SO I AM GOING TO CLICK ON YOUR PROFILE PAGE 400 TIMES A DAY TO GIVE YOU FALSE HOPE OR TO THINK I AM CYBER STALKING YOU...