Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs!! :p

   I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

   When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

   had lent 5000$ to his friend for plastic surgery.....now its hard to recognize him.

   Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

   Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other coworkers" and I circled "absolutely false"?

   The guy driving in front of me is totally following me

   When you put 'aspiring' in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I'm unemployed.

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   Not a gal that finds it attractive or even complimenting when a married man hits on her. Keep it at home base, dude.

   I am a part of Peta people enjoying Tasty animals

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   not drunk... just deliciously enlightened.

   If PETA really cared about animals then why is it that PETA never protested about rat killers?

   The guy who named the Iceland volcano "Eyjafjallajokull" must have fallen asleep on his keyboard

   not GAY!!!! But his boyfriend is....

   why does ben rothlisberger cry after sex? ... because the pepper spray hurts so much.

   took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won't make that mistake again..

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.