Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember the days of He-Man, Ninja Turtles, Rainbow Brite, Pound Puppies and Pee Wee's Playhouse? Those Saturday mornings were worth getting up for....

   This Country Is That Bad Even The Monopoly Board Is In Resession

   I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

   Wipe your mouth. There's still a little tiny bit of BS around your lips.

   What's the quickest way to lose 190 pound of ugly fat ? Divorce her!

   What's the quickest way to lose 190 pound of ugly fat ? Divorce him

   If anyone from Chile ever asks me to play hide-n-seek, I am going to hide first cause those guys are good!

   BRB, I gotta go "rescue some miners", if ya know what I mean. hope they can swim...

   I need a conclusion that excludes you.

   maybe we can chug on over to mamby pamby land, where Maybe we can find some self-confidence for you, ya Jackwagon!! ...... tissue? ...... crybaby

   In a world without walls and fences - who needs Windows and Gates?

   There is nothing worse than the feeling of a cushioned toilet seat!

   I had a life once. Now I have an internet connection and a Mac book.

   maybe or maybe not feeling ambivalent today

   The beatings will continue until morale improves.

   I get grossed out whenever I see people who have not cleaned their ears since the Truman administration UGH!

   My neighbors girlfriend across the street is blowin Leaves...He's the Mexican that lives kiddy corner from me.

   My heart is on life support and I'm seriously thinking about pulling the plug and collecting the insurance money!

   I want to be a comedian so bad but I am afraid they will all laugh at me!

   will not be making any Christmas related status updates until December