Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women are like cell phones. They love to be held, talked to, and handled with care. But if you hit the wrong button, they'll disconnect you in a heartbeat...

   ready to have one too many!

   I accomplished NOTHING today! And yes, I'm proud of that AND I still have my jammies on :)

   If you think I'm bad just imagine two of me!

   not sure which pants to wear today... smarty or fancy.

   You know what is better than dry shampoo? Showering.

   This may be the wine talking but... "Help! He's drinking me.., he's drinking me!"

   I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong

   very surprised at the number of my family members actually willing to admit they are related to me.

   Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

   Strangers have the best candy

   the only way you know who your real friends are is when you change your birthday on facebook and see who write "happy birthday!" on your wall

   Whats the point of making a movie based on a book? Whenever the movie is mentioned, someone has always has to respond with, "The book was better"!!!

   Plagiarism saves time.

   I literary just saw a chicken cross the road. I want to stop and ask him "Why"?

   Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

   Hubert J. Schlafly Jr., inventer of the teleprompter has died....President Obama said to be speechless...

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye... I don't know what that means but think about it.

   The only perfect science is hindsight.

   OK, I'm going to admit it. Its been bugging me for about 10 years now and I need to get it off my chest. I let the dogs out.