Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The reason why I talk in my sleep is because my wife doesn't give me a chance when I'm awake.

   The Inauguration attendees look they just got back from a Sunday morning Presbyterian Church service.

   I let a lot of stuff slide cause prison don't serve the food I like.

   Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.

   Trump’s use of executive order to reinstate TikTok is nothing less than an abuse of power. Executive orders should be used judiciously.

   It's every man's desire to have their butt kicked by a woman. I am living proof of that.

   When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

   TikTok this. Good riddance.

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!

   Marked safe from the U.S. banning TikTok. Meanwhile, Canadians are over here wondering if we should just adopt your TikTok refugees

   2024 Recap Fatigue: “Another ‘Top 10 TikTok Trends of 2024’ list just dropped. Spoiler: We’re all tired of them. Except that one trend… you know the one.

   Taylor Swift on the News Again: “Breaking: Taylor Swift announces New Year’s resolution to release 12 albums in 2025. Swifties are now legally required to take out Taylor-themed mortgages.

   Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

   Beginning Monday, all you queerdos can go back in the closet.

   SpaceX’s Starship rocket launched from Texas yesterday, women not familiar with spaceflight can relate. After liftoff it had lots of thrust, got up really fast! Then exploded minutes later.

   There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm already doing 70 in a 35 zone. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

   Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena

   who decided to call it a “paternity test” instead of a “pop quiz?”

   Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a very bad idea.

   Just go, Brandon!