Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Things you can say when you have nothing to say: 1. It is what it is 2. It's just not meant to be 3. Everything happens for a reason 4. Word

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture

   We're only 4 years away from when Back to the Future 2 happens.

   it still technically a "walk of shame" if I rollerbladed?

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with... "Are you sitting down?"

   I wish McDonalds sold a hot dog so I could walk in and order a McWeiner and then ask for it to be supersized

   Church sign reads, "Look at what's missing from ch__ch

   Sometimes I wish that automatic doors would appreciate my existance...

   I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.

   When I'm sad I just sing, and then I realize my voice is worse than my problems.

   anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.

   Never take failure to your heart and success to your mind.

   I think 'supervision' isn't nearly as cool as it sounds...

   Just took the 'road less traveled'...found Waldo...

   Do you ever walk toward automatic sliding opening doors, hold your hand up, and as they open think, maybe, just maybe, the force is with you today??

   Humor has been cancelled for the day. We look forward to serving you in the near future.

   trying to explain the urine on the ceiling.

   Wondering if Snookie's parents have a bumper sticker that says, "Our daughter is a slut on Jersey Shore" or "Our Slut can beat up your Slut!"

   Presidents Day is just another Monday I'm celebrating Sarah Palin not being president

   Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.