Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Outlook for the rest of winter ... Criss de colisse de tabarnak?!? 
Betty white to preform at next year at 2022 Superbowl ...
Employee: We have to stop testing our products on animals. Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time. Employee: Yeah, but we make hammers.
I walked in my girlfriend cheating on me with a 6 '8 280 lb Linebacker all I said was " Yo Sis, Dinner is ready"
Just remember: We are best friend. If you fall, I will always be there to help you back up. As soon as I finish laughing my ass off.
OJ Simpson will be using Tinder when he gets out of prison. He will have to decide if he wants to slash left, or slash right
Great Britain just opting for free agency trying to get some of that sweet NBA rising salary cap money.
Britain be like "April Fools, hahaha..."
Crooked Melania: So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized?
Obama: "Don't boo... vote." Ghost: "I didn't really think that was an option for me but you've given me hope I have no arms or body but maybe."
When I die I want my ashes scattered over a Starbucks WiFi router.
To the Mayor of North Carolina: Corey Feldman could clear the streets with one song.
The flight attendant said put on my mask first before helping others. No problem. The guy next to me is shoeless so I want him dead.
The somke detector is not a timer...
Just remember Satan worshipers, he got his a$$ kicked by some Georgia redneck...
I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m
ME: I miss you KIDNAPPER: Look. I got the ransom money, your family got you back. It's done. Stop calling me.
Lower my gluten intake the doctor said. Over my bread body!
11.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise. 