Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's pretty cowardly to put a ding in someone's car door without at least leaving a note scratched into the paint, such as, "LOL! -->"

   They say Hard times don't last forever...So someone might wanna tell Hard times that :/

   5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

   by the end of this week, most women will "wake" up from that royal wedding...

   I would just like to point out on this momentous occasion today that historically, Roalty has always been a product of inbreeding

   what would you say if a guy walks in for an interview without a shirt, and I hired him... what would you say?......... he must of had on some really nice pants.

   FACEBOOK IS GOING TO START CHARGING FOR THEIR SERVICES!!! All money sent should be mailed to my home address.

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother or long lost sister.

   Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope you don't multiply!

   The key to a woman's heart is shaped like a large wiener and has a Visa symbol on it.

   Shout out to everyone who ever gave GOD I mean Bishop Eddie Long Stroke money. Your money got put to good use today. I'm sure GOD is proud. Shout out to the Building Fund also. That private bedroom he has in his office must be nice.

   I had to sit on the floor at the airport so I could charge my phone and iPad. This must be what the depression felt like.

   I got so drunk last night I though a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.

   million dollar Idea! !!..Cologne for your balls that activates at the the drop of a sweat.

   Controversy in Tibet... they are naming the first black Dalai Lama, the Dalai Lamar.

   Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.

   U know you living with some white roommates when you see more name labels in the fridge than actual food.

   How come whitening toothpaste doesn't turn your tounge white?

   Liverpool sounds like the most disgusting place in the world to hold a swim meet.