Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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would rather check her facebook than face her check book 
Men like hot showers. Women like scalding hot showers that cause any man in the shower with them to act like a wussy b*tch about it.
I throw my Skittles in the air sometimes sayin aaayooo, taste the rainbow!!!
attempting to cook a blackbean & chicken rice dish but can't see with all the thick black smoke and as for these bloody alarms ringing in my ears, saying that it must smell good, 8 men have just piled out of a red truck are trying to break down my door
facebook should have a "like" button and a "like omg" for blondes
's son has been looking for his Nintendo DS for the last month.Last night we found it in the bushes in front of the house.Kids: you can't live with 'em, you can't beat them over the head with their neglected portable gaming systems to teach them a lesson.
Theres 2 types of people in this world.. People who have been bitten by the Easter Bunny and people who haven't..
New TSA slogan: "It's not a grope....It's a freedom pat"
Waking the Dead. One letter away from being the most controversial show on TV.
- Thankfull its only blood. Thought I was a tomato!!!
☃ 66 ℉ in my home and ☀ 89 ℉ out side my door...Hmmmm Think I will stay on this side of the door today... ヅ
love me or hate me either way your still.thinking about me
Hi, my name is Kim, and I am an LOL addict. I have finally hit rock bottom and am ready for treatment. LOL
I'd give Natalie Portman the bone but she'd have to eat a few cheeseburgers first.
Dear Kim Kardashian.... Paris Hilton sings better than you!
i wonder how mant people us FaceBook to establish an "Alibi"?!?!? Hmmm , off to work!!
You know you're drunk when you're at the bar. And everytime you're trying to find the bathroom feels like the first time you tried to find the bathroom
You are proudly invited to my BBQ party on the 4th where a large gathering of people will proudly display their dependance of alcohol on independence day!
Guys, she makes you guess what's wrong, so you unknowingly give her other sh!t to be mad about too.
You have the right to remain silent anything you say will be used as a flotation device. 