Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
going around the house and renaming things so they all start with an "i" before Apple does it... such as his iToaster, his iToilet, and his iKids and iWife 
thinks when life hands me lemons, I think Great, more stuff to throw at the Raccoon that lives in my attic!
saving a lot on his car insurance by fleeing the seen of the accident
ROTFLMAOASTC
hungry as a hostage
would give her right arm to be ambidextrous
has found her favorite machine at the gym it's the vending machine!
a serial status changer....
now available with a bonus DVD; containing deleted scenes and 2 theatrical trailers
a Great source of Protein
trying to wipe with plastic wrap.
My Love Life is currently like NCAA mens Basketball, Its down to the FINAL FOUR! But My Wife has the homecourt Advantage!
compulsively obsessed with OCD
if nothing goes right.... go left!
silence is gloden, but duct tape is silver.
doesn't make mistakes, she dates them
amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes
the alpha and omega....
may contain nuts.
happier than a redneck driving a racecar 