Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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putting on his mistletoe belt buckle 
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
says: Is it just me or do all the people in "The Snuggie" commercials look like they are in a cult???
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Rehab is for quiters
End discrimination. Hate everybody!
may not be Santa, but it doesnt mean he hasnt seen you while you're sleeping...
Congratulations! You're not illiterate
thinks It's easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.
I went through three magazines on the train yesterday. I'd killed a dozen people before they managed to wrestle the gun off me
wake me up when is xmas over coz I cant afford buy any presents....
AOL has announced that they're going to lay off one-third of their employees. On the bright side, it's AOL, so they're going to do it slowly and with frequent interruptions.
wants a hippopotamus for Christmas.
Confucius says "Christmas trees are like priests...their balls are just for decoration"......
I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.
Paris Hilton is working on a new CD. I believe this one is called, "And You Thought the First One Sucked".
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose
1 day of coal for 364 of fun... I'll take my chances
Erm, Dear Santa, let me explain... the money was only resting in my account, and that thing with the elves , I have destroyed the negatives so you can be rest assured I will not black mail you for any pressies this year, been a good run, 30 plus years... 