Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I love the Macys Thanksgiving day parade. Where you can watch your favorite stars lipsync to their hit songs!

   Norton Shores, Michigan - a teenage girl had her neck bit by the young man sitting in front of her during a screening of the new Twilight movie. So caught up, he committed to being a vampire. Don't even ask what happened when he saw Brokeback Mountain

   I love a Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

   HOLIDAY SHOPPING TIP #1: When the lines at the supermarket are out the door. Say loudly "Ill take the next customer on register #_ _"Then make your way to the nearest "Real" open register.

   May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump, may your potatoes and gravy have a nary lump. May your yams be delicious, And your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs! HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL..........

   I beat up a Ninja once...True story.

   loves animals... especially in gravy

   I celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we have an enormous feast, and then I kill them and take their land.

   So stick that in your juice box & suck it!!

   Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.

   filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.

   Happy Thanksgivings...Screw the turkey, I want to stuff my woman...

   May contain nuts.

   Thanksgiving is the one day each year day families get together…and remind themselves why they only get together once a year.

   the only time love comes before sex is in the dictionary.

   has just read his wife's magazines and there seems to be two topics of major importance to women: .1) Why men are such disgusting pigs and .2) How to attract a man!

   to be a roadie,, get on the roads not on a stupid tv show!!!

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.

   On this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for family and friends and the fact I don't have to wear Depends. I'm thankful for hard alcohol and seeing friends at the Mall, But most of all I'm thankful for turkey and stuffin' and SWEET, SWEET HOT LOVIN'!!!!